Southern Swami Week 4

Evenin’ y’all! How’s the college football season treatin’ yore favorite team? The ole Swami’s gonna toot his own horn a little and tell ya how I’m doing! Going into week 4, my overall record is 53-10 for a .841 batting average. That’s after goin’ 17-3 (.850) last week. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself! Let’s pick some more! Thursday, Sept. 24th 4 Ole Miss @ S. Carolina- This here’s a scary game for the Johnny Rebs, and if they ain’t careful, it’ll be Gettysburg all over again. The ole Ball Coach is happier than a pig in slop when he can knock off a highly ranked team as an underdog. I’m not sure the Rebel army ain’t just a little overrated at #4. We might just find out in Columbia. Still, I can’t see the Chickens pulling it off. Ole Miss in a close one. Mississippi 30 Carolina 28 Saturday, Sept. 26th Fresno St. @ 14 Cincinnati- Bulldogs overmatched by Bearcats. Cincy 27 Fresno 17 Indiana @ 23 Michigan- Big Blue is rolling. Michigan 31 Indiana 13 Southern Miss @ 20) Kansas- Jayhawks better watch out! Southern is a long-time giant killer. Not today, though. Kansas 34 USM 20 22 North Carolina @ Ga Tech- Jackets bounce back from Miami beatdown. Ga. Tech 28 UNC 24 South Florida @ 18) Florida St.- This game looked interesting until USF QB Matt Grothe went down last week with an injury. Now it’s a mismatch. FSU 31 USF 14 7) LSU @ Mississippi St.- Bulldogs are the SEC cellar dweller. Tigers are near the top. LSU 45 Miss. St. 21 15) TCU @ Clemson- Horned Frogs might just get dehorned in Death Valley. Upset? I’m not sure this qualifies. Clemson 23 TCU 20 Texas-El Paso @ 2) Texas- This ain’t even funny. Texas 55 UTEP 10 Illinois @ 13) Ohio St.- Buckeyes too tough for Illini. Ohio St. 27 Illinois 16 9) Miami @ 11) Va Tech- ‘Canes never travel north well. Upset alert! Hokies down the Canes. Va Tech 20 Miami 18 6) California @ Oregon- This is no gimme for the Bears. Ducks are itching to play spoiler. Cal 28 Oregon 24 Arkansas @ 3) Alabama- The Razorbacks always bring their A game against Bama. This year it won’t matter. Hogs get Bar-B-Q’ed. Alabama 34 Arkansas 20 Colorado St @ 19) BYU- Cougars are fighting mad after last week. The Rams will be sacrificial. BYU 30 CSU 13 1) Florida @ Kentucky- Gators have been less than stellar. ‘Cats don’t have enough firepower to take advantage. Florida 38 Kentucky 16 8) Boise St @ Bowling Green- Hey Boise, play somebody why don’t you? Boise 35 BGU 10 Grambling @ Oklahoma St.- Am I reading this right? What, was Prairie View A&M busy?? Cowboys should be ashamed. Ok St. 59 Grambling 13 La. Lafayette @ 25) Nebraska- Huskers take out frustrations on Cajuns. Nebraska 53 La Lafayette 6 Arizona St. @ 21) Georgia- Sundevils are untested. Dawgs have battle scars. Georgia 24 ASU 20 Iowa @ 5) Penn St.- First tough contest for the Nittany Lions. They best the Hawkeyes. Penn St 22 Iowa 17 24) Washington @ Stanford- Huskies still celebrating USC victory. Stanford steals one. Stanford 27 Washington 24 Texas Tech @ 17) Houston- The scoreboard will be lit up like a Christmas tree in this one. Houston 42 Texas Tech 40 Washington St @ 12) USC- After their annual choke game, the Trojans get to face one of the worst teams in America. And the Trojans will make them pay. USC 56 Wash. St. 17 We’ll do it again next week, y’all. I hope someone out there is reading all these picks and getting some enjoyment. Let’s hear some of you! Good luck to everyone, ‘cept the Razorbacks!

Southern Fried Swami

Swami Week 3 Last week 19-4 (.826) Overall 36-7 (.837) Yeehaw! The college football season’s in full swing and thangs are startin’ to get interesting! Gotta keep it brief again this week as there’s a swine flu outbreak around here and I got a barn full of sick hawgs. Let’s git ‘er done! Thursday Sept. 17th 14 Ga Tech @ 20 Miami- Nice kickoff to the football weekend. Contrasting styles as the Ramblin’ Wreck likes to grind out yardage on the ground via the triple option while Miami’s pro style offense will air it out. After seein’ Tech’s defense against Clemson, I gotta side with the ‘Canes. The Yellow Jackets secondary has more holes in it than last years overalls and Miami will use that to win this game. Miami 27 Ga Tech 20 Friday Sept. 18th 10 Boise St @ Fresno St.- Fresno will make it interesting since they relish playing the role of giant-killer. But in the end, I just can’t see these Bulldogs taming the Broncos from Boise. Boise 31 Fresno 27 Saturday Sept. 19th Temple @ 5 Penn St.- Maybe the Owls can get Bill Cosby, their number one fan, to say the eulogy. Joe Pa wins big. Penn St. 40 Temple 12 11 Ohio St. @ Toledo- Buckeyes get a breather against the Rockets. Ohio St 38 Toledo 13 East Carolina @ 24 North Carolina- Tarheels sink the Pirates. UNC 23 ECU 17 Eastern Michigan @ 25 Michigan- Looks like the Wolverines may have some bite back. Big Blue will tear the Eagles a new one after an early Irish hangover Michigan 34 E. Mich 10 Duke @ 22 Kansas- This would be one helluva basketball game, y’all. But in September, it’s not much of a football game. Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk! Kansas 27 Duke13 8 California @ Minnesota- These Bears will make a snack out of a Golden Gopher. Cal 42 Minnesota 17 North Texas State @ 4 Alabama- Mean Green ain’t mean enough! Tide Rolls. Bama 37 NTSU 13 3 USC @ Washington- Combine a Trojan hangover with a Huskie looking to make a name and this one might be close…for about a quarter. Too many weapons and firepower for the Men of Troy. USC 31 Washington 14 Tulsa @ 12 Oklahoma- Sooners will turn Golden Hurricane into golden shower. Oklahoma 45 Tulsa 18 19 Nebraska @ 13 Va Tech- I got a gut feeling on this one. Hope it’s not just gas. Upset alert! Huskers pluck the Hokies. Nebraska 27 Va Tech 24 Tennessee @ #1 Florida- I’ve been waitin’ to see this one all summer. It seems Mr. Lane Kiffin needs a lesson in manners and Urban Myer will be happy to administer one. This will be a good, old-fashioned Southern test of honor and the loose lipped, big mouth Vol leader will fail miserably. As my grandaddy used to say, “Don’t let yer mouth write checks yer ass can’t cash.” Kiffin and the Viles are way overdrawn and the bill is coming due. Myer and the Gators take him out behind the Swamp and open a big ole can of whoop-ass on him. Gators 45 Tennessee 13 17 Cincinnati @ Oregon St.- Bearcats go west hunting for Beaver. They find all they want in Eugene, Oregon. Cincy 31 OSU 27 Florida St. @ 7 BYU- The Seminole tribe travels to Provo to meet up with Cougars of BYU. Their attempted ambush of the Mormon cats will fail. BYU 30 FSU 21 Rice @ 16 Oklahoma St.- Owls no match for the Stillwater Cowboys. Ok St. 45 Rice 20 La Lafayette @ 9 LSU- Seems the Bayou Bengals are letting all the lesser in-state schools take turns coming to Baton Rouge to learn who’s boss of La. This week it’s the Ragin’ Cajuns turn. LSU 32 La Lafayette 9 Texas St. @ 15 TCU- Bobcats of Texas St. will find a mean bunch of Horned Frogs in Dallas. TCU 38 TSU 6 SE Louisiana @ 5 Ole Miss- SE La merely target practice for the Rebel army. Ole Miss 56 SE La 10 23 Georgia @ Arkansas- Bulldogs are slight underdogs against the Hawgs. I don’t get it. Razorbacks aren’t up to the task of whipping the Dawgs. Call it an upset if you must. Georgia 28 Arkansas 27 Texas Tech @ 2 Texas- There’s been some wild and wooley shootouts in this rivalry. Last year was just the latest one. I don’t look for another barn burner this year, but still, stranger things have happened in this one. Texas 38 Tech 27 That’s all for this week, y’all. Enjoy the games and the picks and y’all come back again next week. Catch you later!

Week Two — More “Swami” For YOU!

He is to prognosticatin' what hog jowls are to an ol'-fashioned Sunday brunch! (Um... yum?)

SWAMI WON-LOST YTD: 17-3 (.950)

Howdy Football Fans,

Great balls o’ fire! This holiday shortened week has gone faster than Junior at Daytona! The Swami picked 17 winners and 4 losers last week. That’s straight up, boy and girls, this is jus’ fo’ fun and not for gambling purposes, in case yore local sheriff ain’t told ya, they sorta frown on that stuff. Let’s get to the games. It’s gonna be short and sweet this week cause I’m runnin’ short of time!

Thursday Sept 10.

Clemson @ Ga Tech- Tigers are road kill for the Ramblin’ Wreck! Ga Tech 27 Clemson 20

Saturday Sept 12

Syracuse @ Penn St. Geriatric Joe just keeps rolling up the wins. Penn St 30 Syracuse 13

Iowa @ Iowa St.- Hawkeyes run into their Cyclone rivals with just enough geehaw to get ‘r done. Iowa 27 ISU 24

North Carolina @ Connecticut- The goats from Chapel Hill gore the Huskies. UNC 20 UConn 16

Troy @ Florida- The appetizers just keepa comin’ for the Gators. Trojans are Gator bait. Florida 45 Troy 10

Marshall @ Va Tech- Hokies try to recover from the Crimson flood in Atlanta last week. They do. Va Tech 28 Marshall 17

Arkansas St @ Nebraska- Red Wolves run into an angry bunch of Huskers in Lincoln. Nebraska 31 Ark. St. 13

BYU @ Tulane- After the Cougars made a meal of the Sooners last week, the Green Wave of Tulane should just be a cool drink to wash it down. Greenies are no match for the Cougs. BYU 34 Tulane 10

TCU @ Virginia- The Cavaliers look to bounce back after being embarrassed at home by William and Mary. Unfortunately for the Wahoos, Horny Toads don’t bounce. TCU 26 Virgnia 24

Texas @ Wyoming- The Laramie Cowboys are no match for this herd of cattle and get stampeded. Texas 52 Wyoming 10

Houston @ Oklahoma St.- After gunning down the Georgia Bulldogs, the Cowpokes of Stillwater take aim at the Cougars. Another trophy head for the Cowboys. OK St. 30 Houston 20

Notre Dame @ Michigan- Should be a good ‘un as both teams need this one to keep things going in the right direction. The Golden Domers need it worse. Notre Dame 27 Michigan 24

Eastern Washington @ California- As my pappy always said, if yore school has a direction in their name, chances are they can’t play football worth a hoot. Cal 55 EWU 6

Jacksonville St @ Florida State- The Seminole tribe is madder than a wet hen after the Canes stole that nailbiter in Tallahassee Monday night. The Injuns will sacrifice a chicken to calm their spirits. FSU 42 Jax St 13

Idaho St @ Oklahoma- The Bengals of ISU will find a posse of Sooners that are fuming after being bushwacked by BYU. A Tiger is close enough to a Cougar for OU to take out their frustrations. OU 59 ISU 10

Vandy @ LSU- The Commodores sail to the home of the Bayou Bengals and just might catch the big cats napping. Upset alert! Vandy 21 LSU 20

South Carolina @ Georgia- This should be a barn burner as always. The Gamecocks will make the Dawgs plenty uncomfortable before they get fricasseed. Georgia 23 Carolina 21

Florida International @ Alabama- The Tide is still rising and the Golden Panthers will find the water too deep. Alabama 45 FIU 16

Kansas @ UTEP- Jayhawks swoop in on a hapless bunch of Miners. Kansas 30 UTEP 17

Miami of Ohio @ Boise St.- Now that the Broncos have cooked up an Oregon Duck, the cupcake parade begins. Boise 31 Miami 10

USC @ Ohio St- The best matchup of the day features the Trojans meetin’ up with a Buckeye bunch that got a scare from the Navy boatyard last week. The Trojans will crack this Buckeye nut thanks to an offensive line that can chew up more ground than a fleet of John Deere tractors. As usual, the Big Slow 10 will be outclassed and outrun by the boys from the left coast. It won’t be pretty as the Men of Troy grind the Buckeyes into nut butter. USC 27 Ohio St. 17

Purdue @ Oregon- A wounded Duck ain’t very scary. And this Duck is definitely wounded. Another upset special as the Boilermakers boil the Ducks. Purdue 24 Oregon 20

Utah @ San Jose St.- After a whoopin’ by the Trojans, the Spartans try their luck with a tribe of Ute Indians. They won’t fare much better this week.  Utah 28 SJSU 10

That’s all for now, y’all! Gotta run.

Southern Fried Swami — Opening Weekend @ Last!

Giddy up!

Howdy, ya’ll! Thursday night’s finally the big night, and I don’t mean the local tractor pull down at the mudhole. After a long summer spent waiting, toe meets leather and the college football season is finally here. I’m happier than a pig in slop that it’s finally here! Thought I’d give you’uns some of my personal pigskin prognostications to start this here thing off right. I’m only gonna talk about teams in the top 25 and maybe a extra game or two that interests me.

Thursday, Sept. 3rd.

Utah St. @ 19 Utah- Last year’s score was 58-10 for the Utes. It won’t be quite as bad this year, but it still won’t be much of a game. Utes in a blowout. 41-13 Utes.

14 Oregon @ 16 Boise St- This one will be worth watching, unless you don’t like bright colors. The green and yellow Ducks versus the blue and orange Broncos on the blue smurf turf in Boise. And it should more entertaining than a squirrel in church. Not much defense in this one. I’m calling for a mild upset as the Ducks nip the Broncs of Boise 38-34.

Saturday, Sept. 5th

Good thing I’m starving for some football cause most of these matchups are about as interesting as watching cars rust. Oh well, there’s a couple o’ good ‘uns to tune in.

Akron @ 9 Penn St.- Chalk another W up for Coach Jurassic. Lions unzip Akron 41-6

Navy @ 6 Ohio St.- Sorry, Middies, but you can’t bust this nut. Ohio St. sinks Navy 30-17

Northern Iowa @ 22 Iowa – Another ugly one. Hawkeyes bust out a whoopin’ stick 42-16

Jacksonville St. @ 15 Ga Tech- ‘Cocks get stung by Yellow Jackets. That’s gotta hurt! 48-9

San Jose St @ 4 USC – In a rematch of the Trojan War, the Spartans get the same fate they got in the first meeting 3000 years ago: a butt-whooping USC 48 SJS 6

13 Georgia @ 9 Oklahoma St – Finally a game worthy of the good corn squeezins! Grab a jug and find a comfy spot and watch the Cowpokes and the Dawgs shoot it out in Stillwater. Hide the women and chilluns as this game will be highly offensive, as in no dee-fense. Still, I think these Dawgs have more bite than they’ve let on. I’ve pondered this one long and hard, and I b’lieve I’ll side with the SEC’s Junkyard Dawgs in a close one. Hunker down, you hairy dawgs! Another mild upset UGA 34- Ok St. 30

Nevada @ 23 Notre Dame- If the Irish are napping, they might get caught with their britches down by the Wolfpack. Charlie will be sweating bullets till the final gun sounds in this one.  The Wolfpack will make the Catholics more uncomfortable than a nun in a whorehouse before it’s over. Notre Dame 30- Nevada 24

The Citadel @ 21 North Carolina – Surrender now, cadets. UNC 48 Citadel 10

Charleston Southern @ 1 Florida – These Buccaneers are in over their heads in the Gator infested Swamp in Gainesville and there won’t be much left of the pirates when the blood letting is finally over. This is a mismatch akin to enterin’ yore John Deere in the Daytona 500. Tebow is resting by halftime. Gators 77- Charleston 3

La Monroe @ 2 Texas – This game should be played in San Antonio, cause the Warhawks will think they are at the Alamo when it’s over. There won’t be any survivors this time either.

Texas 56- La Monroe 16

Northern Colorado @ 25 Kansas – Another killing. There’s more whoopin’s gonna be handed out today than at a reform school. Kansas 45 NCU 13

20 BYU @ 3 Oklahoma – One of the few contests. The stormin’ Mormons will try and pull the upset, but these Sooners are too well armed to be overrun. This will be another offensive shootout as balls will be flying like gossip at a quilting bee. Oklahoma 42 BYU 21

Fla. Atlantic @ 24 Nebraska – These Owls ain’t gonna like the cornfield when the Huskers get ahold of ‘em. The birds will get shucked and plucked. Nebraska 31 FAU 10

5 Alabama @ 7 Va Tech – Best matchup of the day as these two top 10 teams collide with national reputations at stake. This game also features two of the better defenses in the land, so points will be scarcer than frog hairs as there will be plenty of slobber knockers in this slugfest. Bama has a nasty defense with an attitude to contain the Hokies primary weapon in QB Tyrod Taylor. They also seem to have a few more weapons on offense to attack the Hokie stop unit. These Gobblers will look like a Thanksgiving turkey in the end: stuffed and served with all the trimmings. Bama 23 Va Tech 9  

Maryland @ 12 California – The Turtles from Maryland will travel across the country and end up feeding some hungry Bears. Cal 34 Maryland 17

11 LSU @ Washington – The Bayou Bengals will roll into the Pacific Northwest and make Jambalaya out of some Huskies. LSU 31 Washington 10

Bonus game: La Tech @ Auburn – The Louisiana Tech Bulldogs are a dangerous foe for a toothless Auburn Tiger. If the War Eagle aerial assault fizzles, these dogs will bite them. I’m not quite ready to call the upset, but it could happen. If nothing else, the Bulldogs will scare the feathers off these War Buzzards. Auburn 27 La Tech 24

Sunday Sept. 6th

8 Ole Miss @ Memphis – This rivalry is as nasty as yore granny’s spit cup. Most folks don’t know the Rebels and the Tigers are only about an hours drive apart, so they don’t like each other much and it shows. Like Lee at Gettsyburg, I look for the Johnny Rebs to get more than they bargained for. Still, in the end, I suspect the boys from Oxford will prevail. Ole Miss 28 Memphis 20

Monday Sept. 7th

Miami @ 18 Florida St.- Remember when this game was THE game to watch? Now they can’t even sell it out since the ‘Canes are about as powerful a wind as a ceiling fan and the ‘Noles are a weak tribe of Injuns these days. Ole Bobby is still chasin’ Joe Pa, albeit in a wheelchair, in this matchup of has-been teams and coaches. What a yawner to kick off Monday Night football. Might as well hit the hay as to watch this. FSU 24 Miami 18.

That’s all for week one. Hope y’all enjoy the games and the blog! We’ll be back next week with more of the same. Y’all come back now, ya heah?

“Ham Fighters” Benched By Swine Flu! (Seriously!)

SAPPORO (Japan) – The entire roster of the Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team has been quarantined and is undergoing tests for exposure to H1N1 influenza after three members of the squad contracted the virus. (EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re not making this up.)

In a related story, the dugout of the Hiroshima Carp smells, well, kinda "fishy".

Among the players taking ill with piggy fever was former San Diego Padres reserve/washout Terrmel “Sister” Sledge. Coach Junichi Fukura and pitcher Naoki Miyanishi were also diagnosed with the bug, and reportedly as many as six other players complained of a high fever. This resulted in the entire team and coaching staff being ordered to check in at a local Sapporo hospital for screening.

To this point. the Fighters have ruled out cancelling games and will continue to play, albeit under a ban from making contact with fans of any sort, resulting in the suspension of pre-game autograph sessions.

Sledge was the top-performing “gaijin” (non-Japanese player) for the Fighters in 2008, and is batting .254 this season with 16 HR and 52 RBI in 78 games.